Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
