I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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