just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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