got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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