Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
