I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
