You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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