hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
