do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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