I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
