yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
