My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
