Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
