hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
