Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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