i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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