you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
