I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
