she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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