If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
