please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just had sex on a roof
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drunk is not a location!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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