Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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