Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
