Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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