already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
