So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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