You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
