my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
