So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize