yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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