New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
