Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
