I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There are leaves in my underwear?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize