WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
