Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can I color on your dick again?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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