I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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