Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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