I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
