Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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