My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
