He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My penis needs a shock collar
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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