saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its about making memories worth repressing
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
