And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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