grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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