I puked a lego.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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