just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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