Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
