This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
