Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize