reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
