Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
