I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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