Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
