the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
