I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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