Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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