VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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