Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
