Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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