The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize