we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
