If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
