he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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