guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
