I bet he comes in French.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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