if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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