You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
