how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
