Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize