i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
