wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
